When was the last time you had a heated argument with someone? Remember the screaming and yelling? Maybe even some flying objects in the air? It can be irritating, right? What about when you have an argument, and suddenly the other person withdraws and gives you the silent treatment? I don't know about you, but most people, including myself, find the silent treatment is not only irritating but annoying. It has a much longer and more profound effect. As a teenager, I was stubborn and wouldn't compromise, even after I knew that the other person was right. I have a cousin that grew up in Germany. We spent most of our summers together arguing with each other. The most annoying for me was when in the middle of our argument, she would say: "Okay, you ‘have your right' and I have my peace." Then she would ignore my nagging and voice raising. "Come on, let's get to the bottom of it," I would say, thinking as long as the bottom of it is what I am saying. That silence her, I found the most frustrating thing in my life!
 
When I became a Realtor in my thirties, I started all my negotiations well prepared and ready to have a long monologue, with all kind of arguments prepared in advance. I lost a lot of clients that way, so I knew there should be something else that would help me to keep my clients. I took some classes on negotiating contracts. Most of them taught me to ask my client a question and wait for their response. I tried this new technique. It didn't work until I figured out that I should ask a question and then shut up, listen to their very vague first response, but continue quietly looking into their eyes. After an awkward pause, the real truth came out of client's mouths, which helped me further down the line help them. Also, because they confided in me some more profound personal truth, they felt I am suddenly their friend.
 
Do you remember flirting for hours, days or even months with someone before you had a meaningful conversation with her or him? I am talking about those looks that tell more than words can express.
 
When you live in a city, you continuously hear a variety of noises until you don't even notice them. But if you live in a small cottage somewhere in the mountains, you suddenly notice every sound that breaks the silence; birds flying, an apple falling from a tree, a car that might be still far away. The sounds suddenly play a much more significant role for you. You start paying attention to sounds. The quietest sound you hear up in that cottage can be scarier than thousands of sounds that you hear on New York Time Square.
The silence is golden.
 
When we came to our first class in September of 1992, to the Russian Academy of Dramatic Arts we all expected to get texts and start performing big heroes from plays of Shakespeare, Strindberg, Chekhov, and Moliere. That didn't happen. Instead, we were challenged to go on stage without a partner and do small études (i.e., a quick study, exercise). We had only a few minutes to prepare. What a crap, we all thought. It took me months to understand that my acting godfather, Professor Vladimir Davidovich Tarasenko wanted to teach us the Stanislavsky's famous silence. He said, "The best études are without words." 
 
Let's say you are playing a role with only one simple line: "Good evening!" A lot of actors would walk in and say the line with a particular emotion. A strong actor would walk in knowing the relationship with the other person, knowing their character and knowing ‘suggested circumstances.' You may enter, wink and with a soft, ‘bed-voice' you say ‘Good evening!’ Or you may enter; knock your acting partner off the floor, and then triumphantly say your line. Or you may enter with a cold-blooded face, emotionlessly wink to the other actor and say ‘Good evening!' with the driest voice possible. The possibilities are endless as long as you dare to do what most actors forget or don't dare to do.  
 
Once Professor V. D. Tarasenko asked us which character plays the most crucial role in Shakespeare's ‘Romeo and Juliet'? The class was split between those having arguments why Romeo is the most important character, and those ruling for Juliet. Nobody considered any other characters to be the main reason for the tragic ending. What do you think is the one character making this play, the ultimate tragedy? Romeo? Juliet? Any other characters? Why one over another?
 
After hearing several dozens of arguments for Romeo or Juliet, Professor Tarasenko asked us, “What about Balthasar?” Tensed silence filled the room. Professor read Balthasar’s lines:
’Then she is well, and nothing can be ill.
Her body sleeps in Capels' monument,
And her immortal part with angels lives.
I saw her laid low in her kindred’s vault
And presently took post to tell it you.
O, pardon me for bringing these ill news,
Since you did leave it for my office, sir.’
Nobody thought Balthasar is the one who brings news he sincerely believes are the truth. He says what he heard, and that makes Romeo drink the poison and die. When Juliet comes and sees that Romeo is dead, she takes her own life as well.
 
Let us go back to Balthasar’s first line. Go ahead, say it out loud.
 
Now try to hold a pause before you say it.
 
Now think about how you would feel telling your friend that his girlfriend is dead. Imagine looking your friend in his eyes. Is your mouth faster or your brains? You might be staring and thinking about the best way to break the news. Would you break the news the same way to another friend? If you are entirely sincere about yourself, you probably wouldn't. But who am I to tell you what your truth is. Only you know how long it would take you to tell something like this to your friend. As an acting coach, I can only lead you to start imagining more details about this kind of situation. The more precise the details ‘suggested circumstances' as Stanislavsky or ‘choices' as Americans would say) the longer pause an actor can hold. The longer the pause, the more suspense an actor creates. And that is one of the most essential characteristics of a strong actor.
 
It is a dramatic pause before Balthasar's first line that makes his short monologue extremely strong.
 
An actor I have massive respect for is comedian Gene Wilder. He mastered his pauses to perfection. How did he master them? He did it by making strong choices for his characters. This made him one of the greatest comedic actors of all times. I think he could make comedy out of a phone book. In the movie Blazing Saddles, Gene played Jim the Waco Kid. When he is asked, ‘What is his name?' the scripted answer that Jim the Waco Kid says is: "Well, my name is Jim and most people call me Jim." Gene decided to put a very long dramatic pause between the second Jim, during which we as an audience expect that he will say anything else, but Jim. He gets us off guard by saying Jim, and therefore it makes us laugh. You can see this amazing moment at https://youtu.be/xqF49Zwmzs0.
 
In 1995 I performed Chekhov’s short story “The Good German” for my class of Stage Speech taught by amazing speech professor Tatyana Ivanovna Yarosh. I was selected to represent the Russian Academy of Dramatic Arts, at the Competition of Young Story-Tellers in St. Petersburg. I was honored to be selected, but I thought, I would have no chance with my foreign accent, among hundreds of native Russian speakers. I got on a stage in this pre-revolutionary palace, blinded by lights. I could hear the audience whispering, so I knew that I need to get their full attention from the get-go. So, I stood in the middle of an empty stage thinking ‘Let me tell you a story' while looking at different corners of the auditorium. Suddenly nobody whispered anymore. You could hear a needle dropping on the floor. Well, I dropped that needle by starting the story: “Ivan Karlovich Shvey...” The audience reacted after I said the first three words. That gave me more courage, self-confidence and desire to tell them the full story of Ivan. As a storyteller I found this story extremely dramatic, and the more seriously I was telling it, the more the audience found it funny. I got a standing ovation at the end. Unfortunately, because I was a foreigner and hotel rooms for foreigners were much more expensive than for Russians, the Academy wouldn't pay for my room. I needed to return on the next train back to Moscow. The next day my professors announced, I took third place with my performance. I was told, my initial pause and keeping my ‘suggested circumstances' strong throughout all the pauses made me win the hearts of the jury and the audience. 
 
Only when you make peace with your inner truth, you find the satisfaction in silence. We are rarely able to keep a pause when we are lying; either to ourselves or others. If you have ever dealt with addicts, you were able to notice how much they talk as they are trying to portray their lies as truth. The same goes for politicians, doesn't it? You can tell the honest politician who works for the nation from a self-centered one by the way he or she talks.
 
Think about meditation. When meditating we are alone with ourselves, our inner child, and our alter ego, our truth. There is a guided meditation and non-guided, which is done in silence and mostly with eyes closed. Most of us start with a guided version and slowly move to the one without words. The one in which we only use our mind and internal monologue. Unless you are a natural, you need a guide to go deep inside yourself and retrain your brain. The same goes for an actor, who needs a director or a coach to guide him, to develop the depth for his character, which is only the tool used to get an actor to act like he would in real life. It is the look, expression, movement, and thoughts that make actor's pause and his character's come alive. Words don't matter when silence speaks.